1/7/2009 - Hosting a 15-year-old Muslim Girl a Life Changing Experience

Doug Deane and Dana Goodrich of Alpine have found becoming “parents” to a 15-year-old Muslim girl from Thailand, a life changing experience. The same is true for their “daughter,” Mareenah (pronounced Marina) Useng.

“It rocked my world,” said Doug of the time Mareenah was missing. “I found out what being a parent is really all about.” He received a call from Dana that the bus had “come and gone and Mareenah wasn’t on it. I was panicked.” Actually it turned out that the bus was just late. Mareenah was fine, a new bus driver had apparently got lost.

“In the mornings, Mom takes me,” Mareenah said of Dana. Partly because she’s carrying a lot of books, Doug explains, “but also for security. She wears a scarf outside the house. She hasn’t had any problems with it, but she does stick out.”

Mareenah is living with the couple and attending Granite Hills High School as part of the AFS Intercultural Programs student exchange. She is one of 20 students in San Diego County brought over by the group, and the only Muslim girl they’ve ever had.

AFS is a worldwide, non-profit organization that has been a leader in high school student exchange for 60 years. The program promotes [international] understanding through [foreign] student exchanges. AFS exchanges more than 11,000 students each year among a partnership of more than 50 AFS partner countries. AFS-USA sends more than 1,500 students to more than 40 countries annually; awards more than $1.5 million in financial aid and scholarships; and places more than 2,800 students from abroad with US families.

The Alpine couple didn’t really intend to host a student at first. Doug saw a small article that said AFS was looking for volunteers. He had supported the non-profit that seeks to spread peace via student exchanges in the 80’s. “When I read the story it reminded me of having supported it in the past. I thought it might be great public service for Dana and me and I called the contact person. We didn’t know Mareenah was waiting.”

It turned out eight students were still seeking families. “So we had some discussions with Nick Felfe, an AFS volunteer, and some other folks and then we had a real heart-to-heart whether or not we wanted to change our lives that dramatically,” Doug said. “We were lucky we said yes before we read the one inch thick parents’ manual,” Dana said. “We wound up getting Mareenah two weeks into the school year.” Prospective host parents are always given the application of the student ahead of time to decide if it would be a good fit.

Coming a few weeks late caused some challenges in terms of schoolwork. “Mareenah is a little younger than the average exchange student. They (school officials) wanted to put her in 11 th grade and she was in way over her head what with the language barrier,” said Dana. “She’s smart enough for 11 th grade in Thailand,” Doug added.

Another challenge was the many books that Mareenah had to carry for her subjects, which include Theater, Art, Physics, Algebra, English, and World History. “When she first started school, she had 25 lbs. of books, and it’s three-quarters of a mile to the bus stop up and down hills,” said Doug. “And she’s a small girl.” One of the other high school parents told them she ordered copies of books to keep at home. “So we got online with Amazon and bought copies of all school books so she could keep a set at home,” said Doug.

Surprisingly, Mareenah’s religious faith has not proved to be much of an obstacle. The couple knew that Mareenah could not eat pork or live with a dog in the house, both of which are considered unclean in her religion. “It was a concern to begin with because we didn’t know what customs or needs she might have that we couldn’t fulfill here,” said Dana. “To add to all that stress, we found out few days before she arrived that September was Ramadan,” Doug said. That’s when Muslims fast from sunup to sundown for one month. “Dad ran out and got her a compass at REI and I bought a prayer rug at the Islamic Center in San Diego,” said Dana. “She’s repaid our hospitality by beating us in Rummy Tiles.” Muslims actually make up less than five percent of Thailand’s population and Mareenah is used to living with those of other faiths having attended a secular boarding school.

Despite her young age and having four brothers (including one set of triplets) and two sisters, Mareenah is quite independent. “It’s okay,” she said. “Sometimes in Thailand I stay with my grandmother. They don’t have any children only me.” In addition to English, Mareenah speaks Thai and Maliu the (Malaysian language). Mareenah has a teacher from England in Thailand from whom she heard about AFS. Alumni came and told them “they had fun, they said you change your life and you have fun and learn something new,” Mareenah recalled. She was pleasantly surprised when her teacher said, “You must have examination for AFS. I passed and told my parents and they said ‘okay’ and then I had to have an interview,” Mareenah said. It is considered an honor to be able to be an exchange student in Thailand.

“It’s pretty expensive,” Doug said. Mareenah’s father is a gardener. “They (her parents) gave up money they were saving for Hajj,” the once in a lifetime pilgrimage to Mecca Muslims perform. “They sacrificed quiet a bit sending her here. We’re making sure she does well in school and that she turns her parent’s investment into a valuable and good one,” he added.

Mareenah is interested in medicine and art. Not surprisingly, she is also interested in having fun while she’s here and one activity she, like so many of her peers here, loves is shopping. She shows off a pair of sandals she bought on a recent outing to the zoo. The couple are keeping her busy on the weekends; they’ve been to Thunderboat Races and kayaking in La Jolla Cove. For Thanksgiving, they’ll be traveling to Northern California where Dana’s family lives and for Christmas they’ll be in Lake Tahoe.

Dana said it’s fun to have someone in the house who sees everything as so new. “We like to take her places and show her things she’s never seen before.”

Doug likes helping Mareenah with her schoolwork. “It sounds crazy but it’s fun to show her math,” he said. Dana hired a tutor to help her with her English and World History.

“I very much like weekends,” Mareenah said. Dana said, “Yeah she lucked out when she got us, we’re nice, funny,” said Dana. “And good drivers, ”said Mareenah.

Dana, a chiropractor, and Doug, owner of software consulting business and the Business Education Chair for the San Diego East County Chamber of Commerce, said they look forward to the rest of the year as parents. “We’re a happy family,” said Dana.

There is no “typical” host family anymore, AFS San Diego officials said. They have retirees, single parents. In addition to host families, AFS needs other volunteers to serve in other capacities.